"Im falling for your eyes, but they dont know me yet"

Someone called me out as a romantic the other day. I thought they were nuts at first, but I’m starting to think that they’re not so far off the mark.

I like the love songs, the chick flicks and the idea of having something to fight for. I like the songs where a guy is singing about how much he thinks about a girl when she’s not around. Or the songs that tell a story of two people that aren’t together but want to be….I guess I’m a sucker for the longing of another person. I think there is a lot that people can relate to in those songs, a lot that brings back those memories of when we were first in love with our person- when we would think about them all the time and then be excited to see them again. I’ve started to notice that those songs are what my lonely looks like. The stories in those lyrics are what I miss.

I miss companionship, and friendship in a partner. I miss intimacy that is more than sex. I want to hold someone’s hand and dance with them in the kitchen or on the patio under the stars. I want to be crazy in love with someone who makes me laugh, and knows that I’m a little ditzy sometimes. I want to go on adventures, and make memories and get one of those hugs that makes me feel like the world is not such a bad place, because in that moment I know that I’m safe and cared for. I want to be able to simply exist with my person when I don’t have the ability to do anything else.

I believe that loving someone should be easy, even when life isn’t. I believe that there should be less struggle and more compassion in a relationship. If we’re with someone that we love, it shouldn’t be the hardest thing we have going on in our lives. They should be our refuge, our safe place that can we can count on to shelter us from the ways of the world when we need it. Keith Urban has a song called “Break On Me” and it makes me cry nearly every time I hear it because I had someone willing to let me break on him, but I never felt like I could. That kind of intimacy wasn’t there…after all the shit we had been thru, I had that part of myself highly guarded because maybe I didn’t feel safe. Or maybe after all the other ways I had felt with him, I didn’t feel like he deserved to be there when I needed someone. I couldn’t let the person that broke me be the one to comfort me when someone else made me feel broken. Talk about mixed signals…

I want to know that I can leave my heart with someone and not worry about it being forgotten. I have felt lower than I knew was possible over the last few years, and all I know is that i don’t want that again.

I just want to love someone, which should be the easy part. <3

This emotional upchuck brought to you by:

Break on me- Keith Urban

Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran

The One- Gary Allan

Say Goodnight- Eli Young Band

Lonely Tonight- Blake Shelton

Die A Happy Man- Thomas Rhett

And God only knows how many others.