Breathing Room.

There comes a time I think for everyone when the things that make you happy change. It could be something you've done so long that you don't remember why you started in the first place, or it could be something you remember fighting for until you couldn't fight anymore. You just wake up one day and realize things are different. This doesn't mean that all the times that you were happy are less real, or that the energy you invested in it was never genuine. It just means that you changed. Sometimes once you've changed, you can't turn around and revert seamlessly. Sometimes you need to step back and assess what it was that made you happy, and what is it now that is keeping that happiness at bay in some way.
These times can bring stress, and anger and even grief. But they can also bring clarity. They can bring the insight that it is okay to change and it is okay to fall out of love with something- that doesn't mean that the time you did spend in love was all a lie. To really love something or someone is a treasure. It enriches our lives and gives us something to hold dear. The sadness comes when love is no longer the association we have with that thing or that person. The guilt comes from feeling responsible for the heart of another person when that is the situation. The only problem is that we can't live our lives out of guilt for another person. Not that we don't love them in some way, but maybe we just don't love them they way they need us to. Maybe we're learning to love ourselves and we finally realize that, at some point, our thoughts about ourselves should make us smile. Our desire to finally love ourselves should be a priority.
And this is okay. Its okay to be going through turmoil and still be able to smile. Its okay to put ourselves first sometimes. And its okay to find beauty when things seem dark. Its like friends laughing at a funeral- love and loss can exist in the same space.