Someone called me out as a romantic the other day. I thought
they were nuts at first, but I’m starting to think that they’re not so far off
the mark.
I like the love songs, the chick flicks and the idea of
having something to fight for. I like the songs where a guy is singing about
how much he thinks about a girl when she’s not around. Or the songs that tell a
story of two people that aren’t together but want to be….I guess I’m a sucker
for the longing of another person. I think there is a lot that people can
relate to in those songs, a lot that brings back those memories of when we were
first in love with our person- when we would think about them all the time and then
be excited to see them again. I’ve started to notice that those songs are what
my lonely looks like. The stories in those lyrics are what I miss.
I miss companionship, and friendship in a partner. I miss
intimacy that is more than sex. I want to hold someone’s hand and dance with
them in the kitchen or on the patio under the stars. I want to be crazy in love
with someone who makes me laugh, and knows that I’m a little ditzy sometimes. I
want to go on adventures, and make memories and get one of those hugs that
makes me feel like the world is not such a bad place, because in that moment I know
that I’m safe and cared for. I want to be able to simply exist with my person
when I don’t have the ability to do anything else.
I believe that loving someone should be easy, even when life
isn’t. I believe that there should be less struggle and more compassion in a
relationship. If we’re with someone that we love, it shouldn’t be the hardest
thing we have going on in our lives. They should be our refuge, our safe place
that can we can count on to shelter us from the ways of the world when we need
it. Keith Urban has a song called “Break On Me” and it makes me cry nearly
every time I hear it because I had someone willing to let me break on him, but I
never felt like I could. That kind of intimacy wasn’t there…after all the shit
we had been thru, I had that part of myself highly guarded because maybe I didn’t
feel safe. Or maybe after all the other ways I had felt with him, I didn’t feel
like he deserved to be there when I needed someone. I couldn’t let the person
that broke me be the one to comfort me when someone else made me feel broken.
Talk about mixed signals…
I want to know that I can leave my heart with someone and
not worry about it being forgotten. I have felt lower than I knew was possible
over the last few years, and all I know is that i don’t want that again.
I just want to love someone, which should be the easy part. <3
This emotional upchuck brought to you by:
Break on me- Keith Urban
Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran
The One- Gary Allan
Say Goodnight- Eli Young Band
Lonely Tonight- Blake Shelton
Die A Happy Man- Thomas Rhett
And God only knows how many others.
