Crimson River

The problem with trusting people, if you’re like me, is that you trust everybody. You trust the things they say, and the way they make you feel. You trust the lies that they tell you with a straight face, because they make you feel special. You trust the really really bad excuses because they must have a good reason. And then you wake up one day and you have to admit to yourself that yes, you saw that crimson river of red flags and you let it all go. Because when you ache to feel someone next to you, you risk the heart break just to feel the heartbeat. Just to feel the form of that warm body lying beside you.


The problem with trusting people, if you’re like me, is that you will let them come back time and time again. Because, in a way, they become your drug of choice. You can tell yourself that they aren’t welcome back each time they leave…until they ask to come back again. When you settle the nerves and swallow the little bit of pride you have left when it comes to them, you tell them your door is open, and you’ll be waiting for them. For a minute you feel beautiful because this is what they want.


The problem with trusting people, if you’re like me, is that you are 100% aware that what you are doing to feel some sort of love is nothing you would wish for your kids, or your friends. You wouldn’t wish this kind of desperate need for touch and interaction on them because you know what it feels like inside when you let yourself be torn down, used, and lied to. You know what it tastes like in the back of your throat when you have to choke down a sob before it comes out because you’re “not going to cry over him again”. But you know that’s a lie, and so you do cry...you just do it as quietly as possible.


The problem with trusting people, if you’re like me, is that you really, honestly, thought this person could love you. You believed his lies, that he wanted to raise your kids with you, and grow old with you. He knew just how to let you get your hopes up and feel like there was a future for you…but then you find out you were a way to pass the time, and you wait for that moment when your heart falls and breaks on the floor again...and you know it’s going to, because it happens every time.

The problem with trusting people, if you're like me, is that you like to see the good in them. Their smile, their laugh, the way they look when they talk about babies..the way they can look at you for just a second longer than they should and you feel your heart skip. You trust the way they look at you and say nothing, but smile. They way they say "You know I love you, right?" with that thick voice that you long to hear in your ear as you lay in bed next to them someday.

The problem with trusting people, if you're like me, is that you know in your heart there are very few that really love you. All the others are just pretty words in the right order, from a set of lips you could kiss all day long...if they'd have you.


The problem with trusting people, if you’re like me, is having to remember that trusting people is not a terrible thing to do…you just have to learn how to trust the right people. And that’s the hard part.