I've missed you.

 The way your tongue traces my lips when we kiss...I crave you.

I breathe in your scent and i don't know which is more enticing- your hands on my body, or the fact that I'm back here at all...I thought we were done doing this...but I still crave you none the less.

I stand in front of you with your hands running down my back, to my ass and down my thighs. I lean in and kiss you one more time. You say you've missed me...I confess that I've missed you too.  

You lay your head back and I kiss you again, as i feel your cock on my thigh. I can feel you getting bigger, harder, and I'm getting more excited just thinking about how good you're going to feel. I slide myself down your body until i can taste you on my tongue. 

I take you in my hand and you gasp a little gasp that sounds like you haven't been touched in too long. 

I'm running my hand over your throbbing manhood as I kiss you once again, but soft and tenderly this time, because we're not rushing anything tonight. We're together again, and we're drinking it in while we can. 

I take you into my mouth and I feel myself getting wetter as I run my tongue up and down and around the tip. I feel myself starting to ache and throb for you, but I want to take in every inch and minute of having you in my mouth. GOD you feel so good. 

I take my time with you until you sound like you're about to explode, and then I go back for another kiss, and you tell me to take off my pants. 

You climb on top and i feel you slide in. Fuck me, i want all of youuuu. You're so fucking big. your turn to have your way with me... I watch you, and feel you and try to take it all in incase this is just a dream. Everything with you feels good and tonight is no different. 

You fuck me deep and hard, and I feel so close to coming, but I want to hold off so we can come together. You tell me to move to the end of the bed, and at this point I'll do whatever you want me to. 

You bend me over, running your hands over my hips and my back and grabbing me to have your way with me. We try something new and you feel sooooo goood I think I might explode. I cant get enough of you and I want to make this last as long as possible...Just to feel wanted by you again, for just a little while...

When we're done, I don't know why you let me come over, but I'm not complaining. If I had it my way, we'd do this every chance we got. We always did fit together, like the universe knew we'd be good for each other in at least one way. You cant deny the intimacy. Fuck, I'm not about to deny you anything. Fuck baby, all you'd have to do is ask and I'll do whatever you want. I know I'm safe with you and that gets you free reign over my body. My body that craves you, and your hands touching my curves, your lips touching mine and our bodies reacting to each other. 

I can almost feel you again just thinking about it.....

To be loved like that....

 I dream of a love that feels like home. With a partner that I don't have to explain myself to. 

I dream of being loved as effortlessly as the ocean meets the sand. 

I want to be wanted by someone in the same way a fire needs oxygen to burn.

I want to be desired by a man that cant wait to run his hands down my body, or his tongue across my lips as he grabs my hips and makes me pant in anticipation.  

A man that makes me crave him when we aren't together, and ache for his body on mine when we're next to each other. 

I want a man that wants to protect me as fiercely as he wants to fuck me. A man that lets the only cries that pass my lips be those of 'Oh Goddddd' or 'Fuck me' instead of another part of my heart fracturing and falling apart. 

I want to be held in the same way that the horizon holds the sunset- delicately but devoted, held together by forces of nature that need each other to exist. 

I want to be babied on the days that are too hard to handle. I want arms I can crawl into when I want to escape a world that hurts my heart. I want forehead kisses and hands in my hair. 

I want kisses on my neck and hands on my ass, and a passion that is unapologetic in its existence. A man that can't keep his hands off of me or the curves or my breast or the hips that he grabs when he has me bent over. 

I want your tongue between my thighs and then your hand in mine when we go out. 

I want to be craved like the fucking goddess I am and protected like the little girl I never got to be.

But, at the end of the day id settle for someone just willing to stick around, because it beats being alone...because who would love someone as fractured as me?

What a confusing thing it is to be so uninhibited and so insecure at the same time...

An Ode to Brandon

 Part of me loved you the moment we met. Something about you felt so familiar I had to be next to you. I remember giving you my phone number and feeling so afraid that you were going to make fun of me for it, but you used it that next day to try and get me a job with you at a warehouse so that we'd still get to work together. 

I got to love you more and more over our 12 years and we got to do everything that lovers do without ever actually being lovers. 

We laughed with each other -we -laughed so hard we cried...sometimes we just cried. We talked for hours about our hopes, we talked about our dreams and we talked about all the ways we wanted to be loved, and the ways we wanted to love somebody back, and we let each other in. We were vulnerable with each other. We were intimate in a way that never took off our clothes , but we were completely exposed to each other. For two people who never felt safe anywhere, we knew we were safe with each other. 

I loved you for all the ways you made me feel safe, for all the ways you made me feel deserving, and all the ways I knew your love was unconditional and I didn't have to earn it or work for it. For all the ways you showed me what true love was really like.... what being loved by a man should be like.

I loved you the moment I met you and I loved you every moment of those 12 years. If loving you could bring you back, I'd have you back by now. But the irony is that loving you this much is why I lost you in the first place.