Part of me loved you the moment we met. Something about you felt so familiar I had to be next to you. I remember giving you my phone number and feeling so afraid that you were going to make fun of me for it, but you used it that next day to try and get me a job with you at a warehouse so that we'd still get to work together.
I got to love you more and more over our 12 years and we got to do everything that lovers do without ever actually being lovers.
We laughed with each other -we -laughed so hard we cried...sometimes we just cried. We talked for hours about our hopes, we talked about our dreams and we talked about all the ways we wanted to be loved, and the ways we wanted to love somebody back, and we let each other in. We were vulnerable with each other. We were intimate in a way that never took off our clothes , but we were completely exposed to each other. For two people who never felt safe anywhere, we knew we were safe with each other.
I loved you for all the ways you made me feel safe, for all the ways you made me feel deserving, and all the ways I knew your love was unconditional and I didn't have to earn it or work for it. For all the ways you showed me what true love was really like.... what being loved by a man should be like.
I loved you the moment I met you and I loved you every moment of those 12 years. If loving you could bring you back, I'd have you back by now. But the irony is that loving you this much is why I lost you in the first place.
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